Tales of a Sleepwaker: Waking Up

I have these songs that I really despise. Well, maybe despise is too strong a verb, perhaps a morbid dislike would more adequately suffice for my purposes. Incessant pounding in the frontal lobe is never a good wake up call. The more it persists, the more angry and grumpy my mood. People tell me there are dark circles around my eyes. I know. I stopped trying to cover them up long ago. It’s a long, slow road down when you sink into darkness and depression.

There is something there. Some light, some feeling, some whisper that keeps me going. On those days when the world really dislikes my attitude and I hate it too, something else holds me up while I fall.

Slowly, I realized that the more I tried to hold myself up, the faster I fell. Slowly, I notice that I am not falling when I let go. Slowly, I watch in awe as my Father holds me up.

You would never find it out when life was easy. Easy means you can handle it. Easy means you don’t need help standing.

It is the hard moments, when we hit the ground, that we realize the ground isn’t there at all. On the ground I feel my God’s presence lifting me higher than I could have ever scrambled on my own.

On God’s strength the impossible becomes possible. On the wings of my Father I fly. Not of my own power or strength. Both of those failed me the moment the darkness closed in. In the morning, when light comes streaming through, then my God is there.

God wakes me up in the mornings. I don’t. We just magically have this internal alarm clock that keeps us from just sleeping for the rest of our lives. God is my alarm clock. Waking up at 4’o clock when I finally slept at 2, then God calls my heart to seek after Him.

Do not despise these precious, stuttering mornings. Sometimes we can’t deal, but praise God that He can always deal with us.

Sleep well.


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