“Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you.”
There is something beautiful and profound about weddings.
Now, this topic is quite prevalent as I have been to two separate weddings in two days. Additionally, I have an older sister engaged, and an older brother already planning how to propose to his girlfriend.
In the midst of that, my family and I have been thinking a lot about relationships, marriages, and weddings. I know that both of my parents are hoping for a grandchild soon from the two older boys already married. The odd thing is that I am technically next in line to get married. Honestly I did not think I was hardly mature enough for a relationship, let alone marriage.
Yet, yesterday, my Dad asked me a question that I could not ignore for long. He said, “Now tell me about your wedding.” Okay, maybe it was not exactly a question, but instead of that request, I heard, “you’re next, who’s it gonna be?” Though my Dad was simply asking about my future thoughts on what I liked in weddings, I only could hear the fact that I am alone.
Today, after the second wedding, I drove home and cried. I remember the only thought during this was, “how could God love me enough to give me someone I could love?” I know it sounds odd. It came down to this.
It’s not that I could not believe that love existed. It was that I could not bring myself to believe that God loved me that much.
I am not one for supercilious thinking. However, the thought that occurred to me while I was crying made me instantly think of what is called a ‘Freudian slip’. Honestly, I do not think Freud is a good role-model for thinking, but this concept stuck in my brain.
The ‘Freudian slip’ theory goes that we are all putting up facades constantly for the world. When we become startled, upset, or unbalanced in some way, we say things that ‘we don’t mean’. This statement which we ‘didn’t mean’ is said to be our true unconscious opinion that just could not get out due to the facade.
Personally, I do not think that the Freudian slip is an actual thing. However, I do think that my random thought of “there is no way God loves me that much” is possibly the root of my problem. See, I could not figure out why I was so upset at all. For the past two days I have been blessed with the chance to celebrate a monumental occasion with two separate couples.
Yet, for some reason, all I could think about was not how incredible God’s gift of love was for those couples. Instead, my mind was plagued by the thought that, if what I saw was real, it was so beautiful that I just could not see myself ever being that happy.
Isn’t that sad?
In the midst of sheer joy, I could only see sorrow.
For some reason, it is difficult to see other people who are happy and content when we are not.
It’s the whole, “the grass is greener on the other side” type of situation.
But I did see something incredible. At both weddings, a moment occurred which stood out to me more than anything. The first wedding, I remember watching the bride walk down the aisle and feeling elated at how perfect and happy she looked. I also have a very adventurous imagination which takes cues from everything around it. At least I thought that for a while.
When the bride stood and stared into her groom’s eyes, I couldn’t really see over the heads of the crowd to see the couple clearly. Instead, I looked above the alter, over the flowers tacked onto the wooden arch above the couple.
In my mind’s eye, I watched a majestic angel twice our size sweep slowly over the walkway emitting small raindrops of light. Eventually, the angel stopped above the alter and the drops became petals of creme colored light that swept into the bride and groom.
Now you should see what I mean by my having an ‘imagination that takes cues’.
The sight (even just inside my mind) made my heart swell and my eyes tear up.
At the second wedding, the outdoor situation had become cloudy and overcast. Each bridesmaid and groomsmen walked down the aisle under cover of clouds. Then the music began. As the bride walked down the aisle and came into sight, the sun burst through the clouds and a streak of light descended to land on her face.
Her smiling face glowed with joy. I don’t think I have ever seen something so beautiful.
Similar to the first wedding, as the bride reached the alter, I looked above the wooden arch to the sky above. This time, a massive angel with a horn strapped to his hip simply stood with spread wings above the couple radiating light.
I saw a very distinct difference between the two weddings. The first, the angel and his company were celebrating the couple, spreading light and joy and laughter throughout everyone there. At the second wedding, the angel simple stood proud, radiating glory, light, and honor.
For some reason, I believe that these differences relate to the two couples. The first couple, when they work together, can bring God’s joy and light and peace to those they know. The second couple pursues God’s radiance, and therefore points others towards Him.
This is the real reason why I believe wedding are so beautiful. For me, I have never seen God’s glory more clearly revealed than when two people take a monumental life step, and they put God first in that decision. It truly is inspiring.
As a single woman, it is difficult to be somewhere when everyone seems to ‘have someone’.
Even so. God put us all here for a reason. For some, He blesses with a partner in crime, an adventure buddy, a second half. We just need to accept that He does love us enough to give us someone to love.
Be blessed today.